Comments

Sitting in a room full of people that I realized I didn't know well at all, I heard something that hurt me.  Two women were talking.  The first said, "There is a neighbor that lives down the street from me who goes to lunch with her son who is in first grade every day.  She goes to the school, and they eat lunch together every day."  The other woman looks shocked.  "It's like, cut the cord lady."
"No kidding!", the second woman adds.  Then they both look at me and my daughter before getting up and walking out of the room.

We were in the room for a meeting.  Most of the people there only know me as either the woman with four children, or the homeschooler.  They have never attempted to get to know who I am, what my interests are, or what I believe in.  I am only a homeschooler of four children to them, and most other people.  How did this happen?  It happened because I allowed it to happen.  I have been so busy with my children and have them with me most of the time.  I come as part of a package deal, but that shouldn't mean that I, or any one of them, should cease to exist as an individual with our own hopes and dreams.  Getting others to see you as a person and not just a homeschooling mother isn't easy, though.

It hurt me to think that people are so easily judgmental of others who choose to follow a different path, or even do something a little out of the norm.  This "neighbor" is spending every day with her son.  She has gone from having her son home with her for 5 or 6 years to only having him there at dinner time, before its time for bath and bedtime.  She has found a way to stay connected with her son, to continue to be a part of his life, rather than just hand him over to a public school system to raise him for her.  She is working within the system, but maintaining strong family ties at the same time.

I couldn't help but think, "Wow! If this is what they think of somebody who eats lunch with their child every day, what must they think of me?"  I have heard it all.

TOP 10 STUPID AND INSENSITIVE COMMENTS I HEAR WEEKLY:

1)  I can hardly keep track of 1 child.  I don't know how you do it.


      I don't even acknowledge this comment anymore.  It is usually spoken to me while I am frantically          attempting to round up my children and get them to the car.  I don't have time to stop and chat about    how I do it, because I am too busy "doing it".


2)  You homeschool, so you have all day to get your school work done.


      This comment assumes that I have nothing to do other than teach my children.

3)  So, do you let them play outside all day, or what?


      This comment assumes I teach them nothing.

4)  Are you a licensed teacher?


      This question assumes that I am not qualified to teach my own children.

5)  Are all of these children yours?


      This comment must be made in attempt to make me feel like a freak who just LOVES having babies.  I'm not sure, actually.  Why would somebody ask a woman if all of the children with her are her's?  It just seems rude to me.

6)  Don't you ever get sick of your kids?  I could never spend all day with my child.


     I'm sorry, but if you can't possibly spend the day with your child, DON"T.  I think its sad that you don't like each other enough to be able to spend time together, but that's your thing, not mine.  I like to spend time with my children, and they enjoy spending time with me.  Also, not all of our time is spent together.  At the moment not a single one of my children is at my side.

7)  At least you have lots of little helpers.


      Yes, my children have chores to do, but they are not a mini work force.  They create a lot more messes than they clean up.  They are children, after all.

8)  When are you putting them in public school?


      This just assumes all kinds of things.  People, you don't know why I'm homeschooling in the first place, so what makes you think I'll be putting them in school at all?

9)  Every child needs the trials and tribulations of middle school.


     Uh, no.

10)  What about the prom?


      What about it?

I think I've heard it all, but it still saddens me when people say things like, "Cut the cord, lady", as if  homeschooling is more about me than my children.  There are some people out there who enjoy being part of a family.  I have four beautiful children.  I want to prepare them for life, but I also want to share my life with them.  They will grow.  They will become more independent, but my goal is not to make my child independent.  Childhood is a time for nurturing and sharing.  So many people are so eager to push their baby birds out of the nest that they've started pushing the eggs out, too.  Those cracked eggs do make it.  They grow up and become members of society, but many of them never get over being a cracked egg.  My hope is that my children get to enjoy a childhood full of learning and exploration.  I want them to have time to discover who they are without all the pressures of others telling them who they should be.  It isn't easy to always be the woman in the room who gets talked about the second I leave.  I know it happens.  I'm not stupid.  I just can't figure out why my lifestyle is so darned interesting to others.  I've got all kinds of people telling me who I should be.  I don't want my kids to have that happen to them before they have a chance to figure out who they are.

Not to mention they get a pretty decent education at home.  We cover all the basics and then some.  Are they experts at filling in bubbles?  No way.  They don't even know the term, chapter checkup.  They don't know all of the state capitals, but they know how to think.  They know how to ask questions that matter, and they even know how to look for answers.

My daughter knew that I wasn't thrilled with the comments made by the women at our table.  She knew I was taking them personally.  She told me later, "Mom, its okay.  We don't follow the path that everyone else does.  Sometimes we follow the path that is less travelled, and sometimes we make our own path.  Let them follow us.  We'll be trailblazers."  I think we'll be okay, even if others just don't get it.






     

Screen Time

Screen time is a big deal when you are homeschooling.  I don't remember it being that big a deal when the kids were in public school, but since I started homeschooling it seems to be something that helps to slap a label on you like no other.  You either are a full on screen junkie that leans to the unschooling end of the spectrum or you are a no TV in the house strict school at home type.  In reality most of us fall somewhere in the middle, but that isn't what people like to talk about.  That is not controversial.  It isn't interesting, so it doesn't get talked about in the media or in the gossip circles. 

Here is where I fall.  I grew up without a TV in the house until after I graduated from a public highschool.  I don't care for TV much.  I don't like what is on.  I could care less about reality TV.  DWTS is just stupid and I don't even know what the hell Glee is.  I do not watch TV.  I just don't.  My kids do not watch TV, but they do get plenty of screen time.  We have hundreds of movies in our house.  We have Disney and Scooby Doo.  We have VHS tapes that teach the alphabet and counting.  We have documentaries, and we have lots of other fluffy movies that are just fun.  They come without commercials and I know their content before my kids ever see them.

What about video games?  We've got those, too.  I, personally hate them.  I don't play them.  I think they are a waste of time, much like my blog and FB account.  The difference is that my blog and FB connect me to people whereas video games take me away from people.  I do let my kids play, though.  They are limited to the time they earn.  They have a punch card that is punched every night before they go to bed.  When the card is full, they earn 2 hours of video games.  They can choose to use it all at once or spread it out over the week.  They can earn punches for doing things like helping keep the house clean, doing dishes and laundry, and completing schoolwork on time.  Screen time means much more to them now that they have to earn it.

My husband LOVES to sit in front of a screen when he is home.  It is tricky to limit screen time for my kids when my husband just doesn't understand why I would ever want to do such a thing.  He works all day and his screen time is his down time.  My kids are home most of the day and screen time will consume the entire day if allowed to do so.  I set the limits to help them moderate screen time so that they can also enjoy other experiences. 

You would thing that none of this is a big deal.  I didn't think it was, either until I got to listen to some pretty heated debates on the subject.  On one side were the parents that do not limit screens at all.  They trust that their children will find their own groove.  On the other are the parents that will not allow their kids to look at a screen ever.  If they want entertainment, they can read.  It can get to be pretty loud at times with parents judging the other either irresponsible or a control freak.  I stay out of these debates, because they don't help anyone.  Every family must do what they think is right for their kids.  As parents all we can ever do is our best.

Socialization 101

I spent the evening today visiting with a lady from our Unitarian church.  She is awesome.  I love talking with her and could spend hours doing so, but I had my kids with me.  I was nervous about taking them into a new house.  While we do get out of our house and go places, people's homes are not usually on the list.  When we do go to houses, it is usually the home of a friend that has children for my kids to play with.  There are toys everywhere and the house resembles ours.  The friend I was visiting with is a mom to 4 kids, but they are grown kids.  I really didn't know what to expect. 

The kids got into the house and, to my horror, began to wander.  Our hostess said it was fine with her if they explored as long as I was okay with it.  Relief washed over me.  There were a few toys here and there that belonged to her grandchildren.  She had a drum in her house.  There were amazing trinkets and treasures.  I was just so happy to get to talk with this amazing woman.  Maybe we talked too long, because after a while my kids began to get restless and started to explore a bit too much.  I saw my son open a cupboard, and had to ask him to leave the drawers and cupboards closed.  I was embarrassed, but it was a learning experience for us all.  I am so glad that my friend was understanding, but can see that this is one area that my kids need to work on.  The only way they can do this is by us visiting more people.  Socialization 101?  Just another lesson to teach for this mom.

Free Stuff

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Today

Today I want to let it all go; to fall backwards and know that there will be somebody to catch me.
Today my spirit cries out for help.
My strength is in great need of replenishment.
Today I need a smile and laughter in my life.
Today I need a friend.
Today I need hope.
Today I know that tomorrow will be better.
It must be.

Nothing to say

I have not been keeping up on this blog. I have had nothing interesting to say as of late. I also realize that this blog does not have the following that my previous blogs have had. I'm okay with that. It makes me feel less guilty when I live life rather than record it. I do however feel that I should update now and then, even when nothing is stirring in me.

I will be teaching VBS starting on Sunday. I do not believe everything I am going to be teaching these kids. I am not, in my opinion, a good person to be teaching VBS to anyone, but the pastor of the church needs somebody to entertain the 4 year olds and she thought of me. I am a teacher of children, after all. I am creative. I am able to teach with excitement of the material, and when I am not able to do that, I can fall back on a little acting. I do not understand why the church continues to purchase curriculum for VBS. If they are Christians, then shouldn't the Bible be their curriculum? They spend big money every year, though to entertain kids while teaching them a parable or two. I don't need a curriculum. I could have used a budget for craft materials, which I had to pay for myself.

We had a new roof put on our house. It was loud, but the kids managed to sleep through the removal of the old shingles. How do they do that? It looks nice. Vents were added to the back of the roof which should help extend the life of the shingles.

We are taking part in the public library's summer reading program. I have watched over the years as this program gets smaller and smaller. It makes me sad.

My garden is thriving with all of the rain that we have had this year. The weeds are also thriving. I work in my garden 2 to 3 times a week to pull weeds and tie up tomato plants. I really wish that I was able to have my garden at home. Driving across town to garden kind of kills my reasons for gardening.

So that's about it. I really didn't have anything to say, no real opinions to put out there. The world is full of opinions and people to share them. I'm sure if you've found yourself here, at my humble blog, and are disappointed that I haven't presented you with a wonderfully intense session of debate of politics, religion, and such, you will be able to survive. You will be able to go on and with the click of a mouse find exactly what you are looking for. Aren't computers great? Or are they? Debate that omoungst yourselves while I turn off my computer, get out my sewing machine, bake a cake, play a game with my kids, and live a little.

Taxpayer Funded Preschool?

When we looked at preschool, we decided not to do it at all. I could easily teach everything that my children would learn in preschool. I made sure my children had many opportunities to be around other children at church, play groups, story times at the library, and classes through Polk County Conservation. We talked, read books, travelled, played games, explored different places and ideas, and we loved our time together. When it came time for my kids to start school, we put them in, because that's what everybody did. After a couple of years, we took them back out. We decided to follow a different path, as many have before us. I am raising thinkers and learners of things. My children will stick out in a crowd. They won't fit in with kids their ages, and I am so proud of that fact.

People around here are talking about the need of taxpayers to pay for preschool for all 4 year olds. They think by putting kids in school earlier, the end product will be better. These are our children, not cattle being taken to a feed lot. You can not force education. It is a journey that one takes, because they find value in it. It is not a race. Starting earlier does not mean finishing earlier. It is learning. Why the hell would you ever want to finish learning? The early years should be devoted to play and exploration. A young child should not be prepared for factory style education at ages of 3 and 4, and taxpayers should not be paying for it. If you feel the need to teach your child to ask permission to pee, to sit on the floor, and to never speak without first raising their hand, by all means teach them these lessons at home, but that is not an education that I want for my children.

At the same time people are discussing making taxpayers pick up the bill for what parents should be doing at home on their own, they are also complaining that taxpayers currently pay for some highschool students to take college entrance exams. Some students are even taking classes at their local community colleges that are not offered in their highschools. This has some people really upset. They don't want to be paying for somebody else's college education. I am confused. It is okay to pay for preschool, to push children whose brains are not yet developed to learn in a style in which they are being taught, but we shouldn't encourage and help pay for young adults who wish to continue their education by taking classes that are not offered at their high schools? This type of thinking is one of the many reasons that this country has serious problems.