Sitting in a room full of people that I realized I didn't know well at all, I heard something that hurt me. Two women were talking. The first said, "There is a neighbor that lives down the street from me who goes to lunch with her son who is in first grade every day. She goes to the school, and they eat lunch together every day." The other woman looks shocked. "It's like, cut the cord lady."
"No kidding!", the second woman adds. Then they both look at me and my daughter before getting up and walking out of the room.
We were in the room for a meeting. Most of the people there only know me as either the woman with four children, or the homeschooler. They have never attempted to get to know who I am, what my interests are, or what I believe in. I am only a homeschooler of four children to them, and most other people. How did this happen? It happened because I allowed it to happen. I have been so busy with my children and have them with me most of the time. I come as part of a package deal, but that shouldn't mean that I, or any one of them, should cease to exist as an individual with our own hopes and dreams. Getting others to see you as a person and not just a homeschooling mother isn't easy, though.
It hurt me to think that people are so easily judgmental of others who choose to follow a different path, or even do something a little out of the norm. This "neighbor" is spending every day with her son. She has gone from having her son home with her for 5 or 6 years to only having him there at dinner time, before its time for bath and bedtime. She has found a way to stay connected with her son, to continue to be a part of his life, rather than just hand him over to a public school system to raise him for her. She is working within the system, but maintaining strong family ties at the same time.
I couldn't help but think, "Wow! If this is what they think of somebody who eats lunch with their child every day, what must they think of me?" I have heard it all.
TOP 10 STUPID AND INSENSITIVE COMMENTS I HEAR WEEKLY:
1) I can hardly keep track of 1 child. I don't know how you do it.
I don't even acknowledge this comment anymore. It is usually spoken to me while I am frantically attempting to round up my children and get them to the car. I don't have time to stop and chat about how I do it, because I am too busy "doing it".
2) You homeschool, so you have all day to get your school work done.
This comment assumes that I have nothing to do other than teach my children.
3) So, do you let them play outside all day, or what?
This comment assumes I teach them nothing.
4) Are you a licensed teacher?
This question assumes that I am not qualified to teach my own children.
5) Are all of these children yours?
This comment must be made in attempt to make me feel like a freak who just LOVES having babies. I'm not sure, actually. Why would somebody ask a woman if all of the children with her are her's? It just seems rude to me.
6) Don't you ever get sick of your kids? I could never spend all day with my child.
I'm sorry, but if you can't possibly spend the day with your child, DON"T. I think its sad that you don't like each other enough to be able to spend time together, but that's your thing, not mine. I like to spend time with my children, and they enjoy spending time with me. Also, not all of our time is spent together. At the moment not a single one of my children is at my side.
7) At least you have lots of little helpers.
Yes, my children have chores to do, but they are not a mini work force. They create a lot more messes than they clean up. They are children, after all.
8) When are you putting them in public school?
This just assumes all kinds of things. People, you don't know why I'm homeschooling in the first place, so what makes you think I'll be putting them in school at all?
9) Every child needs the trials and tribulations of middle school.
Uh, no.
10) What about the prom?
What about it?
I think I've heard it all, but it still saddens me when people say things like, "Cut the cord, lady", as if homeschooling is more about me than my children. There are some people out there who enjoy being part of a family. I have four beautiful children. I want to prepare them for life, but I also want to share my life with them. They will grow. They will become more independent, but my goal is not to make my child independent. Childhood is a time for nurturing and sharing. So many people are so eager to push their baby birds out of the nest that they've started pushing the eggs out, too. Those cracked eggs do make it. They grow up and become members of society, but many of them never get over being a cracked egg. My hope is that my children get to enjoy a childhood full of learning and exploration. I want them to have time to discover who they are without all the pressures of others telling them who they should be. It isn't easy to always be the woman in the room who gets talked about the second I leave. I know it happens. I'm not stupid. I just can't figure out why my lifestyle is so darned interesting to others. I've got all kinds of people telling me who I should be. I don't want my kids to have that happen to them before they have a chance to figure out who they are.
Not to mention they get a pretty decent education at home. We cover all the basics and then some. Are they experts at filling in bubbles? No way. They don't even know the term, chapter checkup. They don't know all of the state capitals, but they know how to think. They know how to ask questions that matter, and they even know how to look for answers.
My daughter knew that I wasn't thrilled with the comments made by the women at our table. She knew I was taking them personally. She told me later, "Mom, its okay. We don't follow the path that everyone else does. Sometimes we follow the path that is less travelled, and sometimes we make our own path. Let them follow us. We'll be trailblazers." I think we'll be okay, even if others just don't get it.
